My Dark Side Of Photography

Photography is not always about taking pretty pictures and sometimes it’s not as enjoyable. It requires hard works and dedication to deliver beautiful images and to become a professional photographer. My intention here is to tell you my experiences along with my obstacles in photography and how I overcome them.

With lack of equipment, I was very limited so I would I fake my photos in Adobe  Photoshop 95% of the time (thank goodness for my self-commitment learning photoshop for 3 sleepless years I was able to enhanced them properly). I couldn’t produced the images I wanted in camera neither could make my vision come to life. I had a Canon Rebel XT with my kit lens 18-55mm. I became unhappy.  I have a bunch of photographer friends and their work was amazing! They have many followers and people praise their work all the time which I was happy for them but I also want to be apart of that greatness but I couldn’t. I was so sad I shut down my art and photography page on facebook known as Studio K. I acquired almost 3 thousand followers but my sorrow was too much my page was no more. Here’s my old logo and artworks. Maybe you might remember who I was.

Almost 3 years gone by I need to get back on my feet because my passion is still burning. I tried my hardest to get a loan to buy the Canon 5D Mark III for quality purposes so I can further my career becoming a professional photographer. With my humongous amount of student loans, I was disqualify. Brokenhearted I call it quit once again. If you asked me why didn’t I just continue with what I have? Well, I cannot book photo shoots when I couldn’t deliver quality works yet. Just because I own a camera doesn’t mean I can start charging people for shitty works. I’m all about branding. Weeks later I was talking to my friend about my situation. With tears of mixed emotions I accepted his help and got myself the camera. I also managed to saved  $300 by freelancing graphic design works to purchased a used Canon 50mm 1.4 on craigslist. I was a hardcore struggling artist fresh out of college trying to make it out alive and I did not give up!

With the new camera and a better lens, it opens a whole new world of photography for me. I started booking basic sessions with cheap rates. I started small to build my way up. Soon I picked up wedding photography. It was hard, hectic, stressful, but I fought through it. Just because I couldn’t handle the stress doesn’t mean I quit. “A photographer is only as good as their weakest link”.

Wedding Nightmare
One wedding I shot was the most stressful wedding back in 2013. I was stressed the entire day because my flash wasn’t working and everything was a disaster on my end.  At end of the night I packed my stuff to leave and there were beer poured all over my bag and the lens cap of the Canon 70-200mm f2.8 was damaged. The lens wasn’t mine. I cried in distressed and I was in a lot of pain to think that someone you trusted to watch over your stuff literally don’t give a shit. Those equipment I borrowed worth over thousands of dollars. That night was such a nightmare. I cringed with the thought of it still.

My wedding clients loved the photos though. That made me live life better 🙂

Throughout the years I’ve gained much skills and I advanced my prices. Everything went very well until another episode happen. I was booked for a wedding and that morning I came 30 minutes early to scout the location. I had everything picture perfect in my mind. The weather was nice the lighting was great. I was in a good mood I couldn’t wait to shoot. 1 hour went by and my wedding party hasn’t arrive yet. Worried, I was getting pretty nervous. Another hour went by still no show. I was sweating in distress because we lost 2 hours of shooting time and the light was gone. We rushed the shoot. I did what I could with little time to get formal photos of the party. That day seemed like it wasn’t the best. Things were very hectic on their end so that influenced my time and mood. It affected my end as well. I was humbled enough to stay extra hours to capture what I can to provide varieties of images because weddings are so important I didn’t care how exhausted I was! To sum up the story, things didn’t go well with the final products and all. I was traumatized. I didn’t book weddings for a year. When potential clients asked for my rates I hesitated and told them I’m not booking. With the whole scenarios played back in my mind again, I was scared it would be another failed wedding. I felt discouraged. It still haunts me. I sometime blamed myself and question is it my fault? Am I a bad photographer? How did this happened? Whatever it was I am trying to let that all go because I cannot go forward if I let that fear stay.

There are days when everything goes bad on set and you can’t do anything about it but continue to give your all. You can’t please everyone with your work. There are good days and bad days. As a photographer, you will lose some clients and gain some back. Not everyone will like you. Take past mistakes as a lesson. Move forward. Improve your craft.

I’m overcoming my doubts and fear by believing in myself. I come a long way since 2012. I must have something good to stay in the business that long. All I need to do now is start shooting again. Never give up!

I was alone in this photography journey. I did not have anyone to support me but myself through my struggles. As silly as this may sound I also learn if you’re in a relationship your significant other doesn’t support you and let you down they’re not the right one to help build a bright future with you. Choose your partner wisely.

If you took the time to read all of this, thank you! 




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Hi I'm Kue! I love photography. I would like to share the world in my eyes through my lens with you.

2 thoughts on “My Dark Side Of Photography

  1. “I was alone in this photography journey” = This should make you feel proud of your self and congrats for doing that.

    “give your all” = When you truly love photography you do that. Not only photography.

    “I’m overcoming my doubts and fear by believing in myself” = Never doubt your self or let others do that always keep fighting for the best.

    I respect people when they are honest. Thank you for your true words.

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